{"id":4684,"date":"2025-06-05T11:25:06","date_gmt":"2025-06-05T15:25:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/accesslauren.com\/?p=4684"},"modified":"2025-06-05T11:25:08","modified_gmt":"2025-06-05T15:25:08","slug":"inside-my-diary-from-fatherless-to-fearless","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/accesslauren.com\/index.php\/2025\/06\/05\/inside-my-diary-from-fatherless-to-fearless\/","title":{"rendered":"Inside My Diary: From Fatherless to Fearless"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I don\u2019t have a father to honor this month (June).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Growing up, I didn\u2019t realize the impact that not having my<\/strong> father in my life had on me. My family did a great job of filling in the gaps\u2014loving uncles, a strong mother, and a home where my sister and I never felt we were missing anything. How could I miss something I never truly had?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But the truth found me when I became an adult\u2014after hundreds of bad decisions, after too many lessons learned the hard way. That\u2019s when I realized just how important strong male protection and leadership is, especially for a young girl growing up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Without it, I grew up unprotected.
And when you grow up unprotected, your heart becomes easy prey.<\/p>\n\n\n

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I fell in love with the first man who told me he loved me. Gave him a child. Then another. And another.
People often ask, \u201cWhy did you have three children with a man who never married you?\u201d
The answer is simple. I never dreamed of marriage. I never idolized it. I never saw a marriage I wanted. I genuinely believed I had the best I was going to get.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t respect him. He broke my heart, repeatedly. But I stayed. Not because I was weak\u2014because I was broken. I didn\u2019t even know good men existed. And worse, I didn\u2019t believe I deserved one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That belief was planted in me early\u2014watching my own father mistreat my mother, choosing to raise someone else\u2019s daughter while abandoning his own.
I saw things as a child that no child should have to see. My younger sister didn\u2019t witness the things I did. She was spared from certain wounds. Her life, to this day, reflects that\u2014she has a loving marriage, less trauma, more softness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me? I worried a lot. I carried burdens that weren\u2019t mine. I used to ask my mom constantly if the rent would be paid. When I got old enough, I took on the responsibility myself. I\u2019ve been a go-getter all my life\u2014because I had<\/strong> to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I\u2019ve been a go-getter all my life\u2014because I had<\/strong> to be.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n

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After being kicked out of a man\u2019s house\u2014the same man I bore three sons for\u2014I made a vow: I would never again need or rely on a man. Ever.
And that vow? It hardened me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To this day, I struggle to receive help.
I feel uncomfortable accepting gifts.
I\u2019ve never known what it\u2019s like to feel soft, to live a soft life.<\/p>\n\n\n

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But isn\u2019t it mysterious how God works?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My oldest son is the spitting image of my father\u2014literally.<\/em> And yet, somehow, he\u2019s everything I wished my father would\u2019ve been.
He\u2019s been wise beyond his years since birth. He is deeply protective of me. He pays attention. He covers me. In so many ways, I feel like I\u2019ve had my father all along\u2026 just in the form of a son.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They say when God gives you a boy, He wants you to know what real love feels like.
I have THREE sons.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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They say when God gives you a boy, He wants you to know what real love feels like.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n

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In China, that would make me a queen.
In America… well, I digress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So this diary post is not a pity party. It\u2019s a love letter<\/strong>\u2014to the fathers who show up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To the men who love women well<\/em>.
To the men who teach their daughters what protection, consistency, and tenderness look like\u2014by loving their mothers visibly and respectfully.
To the men who honor their commitments, even when life gets complicated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You have no idea the impact you\u2019re making.
Bless you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Happy Father\u2019s Day.
<\/strong> With love,<\/p>\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This powerful Father’s Day diary entry explores the impact of growing up without a father, the strength born from absence, and how God\u2019s mysterious grace showed up through the gift of three sons. A raw, reflective tribute to healing, motherhood, and the fathers who choose to love out loud.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4692,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"content-sidebar","advanced_seo_description":"This powerful Father's Day diary entry explores the impact of growing up without a father, the strength born from absence, and how God\u2019s mysterious grace showed up through the gift of three sons. A raw, reflective tribute to healing, motherhood, and the fathers who choose to love out loud.","jetpack_seo_html_title":"Inside My Diary: From Fatherless to Fearless","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"This powerful Father's Day diary entry explores the impact of growing up without a father, the strength born from absence, and how God\u2019s mysterious grace showed up through the gift of three sons. A raw, reflective tribute to healing, motherhood, and the fathers who choose to love out loud.","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[190],"tags":[226,227],"class_list":{"0":"post-4684","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-in-my-diary","8":"tag-diary","9":"tag-fathers-day","10":"entry"},"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/accesslauren.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/Access-Lauren-x-Children2.jpg","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/accesslauren.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4684","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/accesslauren.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/accesslauren.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accesslauren.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accesslauren.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4684"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/accesslauren.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4684\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4704,"href":"https:\/\/accesslauren.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4684\/revisions\/4704"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accesslauren.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4692"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/accesslauren.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4684"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accesslauren.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4684"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accesslauren.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4684"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}